I get that I am new to this “author” thing, but what I am not new to is writing. I have been writing since I was a child but always for me. I never shared anything with another person. The one person I did tell I was writing anything was my grandmother. The only reason I told her was because when I stayed at her house, which was most weekends, I was always writing in a notebook and she wanted to know what I was doing. I told her I was writing stories she smiled and said that was good. I asked her one day when I was older why she never asked to read anything, She said she wasn’t a reader and she liked to watch her stories on television (soap operas, God she loved those). She also said “When you’re ready for the world to see them you’ll show me.” I never got the chance to show her. She died before I was ready for the world to see them.
That is one of my biggest regrets in life that I didn’t share my stories with her. Trust me, I don’t have a whole lot of regrets. I believe the mistakes I have made turned me into the person I am, Good or bad, liked or not, I am what I am, take me or leave me. I am okay either way. I wonder from time to time if I would have pursued my writing earlier in life, if I would have followed that dream I had as a child where I would be today. If I would have told someone that dream, maybe having that push years earlier would have changed things for me. Who knows. What I do know is that I love being married to my best friend, laughing daily with him and raising my two fantastically funny, adorable children. Maybe that is all I was meant to do, be their mom and his wife. Maybe, maybe not. What If I got that push earlier, maybe I wouldn’t have these three amazing things in my life?
I could debate it for hours, the what ifs, the maybes. This author thing started because I had a story I wanted to share with my husband. That’s it, just him. I didn’t want to have that regret of not sharing it again. He is the one that pushed me into publishing Saving Amy and sharing it with the world. Right now it’s a really small world. Do I hope to expand that? I do. But if every story I ever write from this point on is only shared with my husband and family I’m okay with that. I get to do what I love… write.
My goals when I published were simple, I wanted one person I didn’t know to purchase my book and to have someone read it and tell me they liked it. They may seem simple but for someone that was terrified for people to read what she wrote those were HUGE goals.
I had someone tell me they sat and read Saving Amy cover to cover in one sitting, I was ecstatic! I had another person tell me she cried while reading, I know it’s mean but I did a little happy dance. To me they got it, I did it. I achieved what I tried to do with the story.
I am in the process of writing a series that I am so emotionally invested in, I am mentally exhausted when I finish writing scenes with this one. Is it worth it? Absolutely! I am writing and that’s what matters. My goals for this one are pretty much the same. I would love for one person I don’t know to purchase it and for someone to tell me they liked it. I am just a writer who tried her hand at being an author.
I may be naive in my thinking but if you are writing for other people or to sell books you are writing for the wrong reasons. If you think “your world” isn’t big enough, you aren’t making the bestseller lists and you think you aren’t getting read because “there are just too many authors out there” maybe you should take a break and reevaluate WHY you write.
Until I have another random thought.